08
Mar
15

runaways

140780-425x282-Teen-Runaway

A couple days ago, Lone Heron called me for her weekly check-in, and I took the opportunity to ask her if she’d read my post “The Power of Paradox.” I had just received a comment from Anonymouse in which he’d lambasted the post as being too facile and overestimating the ability of kids to forge a new way.

“Oh, that it was so easy,” he said, “but you cannot expect a young person/child to understand such personal power dynamics; that requires perspective and a sense of self-worth, something that the egocentric child usually lacks the experiences to develop.”

If the post made any impression, said Lone Heron, “it underscores the fact that I am a very creative person. We parricides are above all survivors, and surviving is a creative task.”

Police-Car-jpgIf she found fault with any aspect of the post, it was with its failure to mention how extensively control-freak parents exercise control over the behavior their kids. Any attempt by an abused child to reach out to a teacher or other caring adult is usually neutralized by the parent. As can be illustrated by the common practice of police to return runaway children to their abusers, the child is rarely believed.

I knew that. I should have mentioned it, but I didn’t. It was a glaring oversight. But what about the idea of a solution being hidden within a problem? Is there any traction to this notion?

“Absolutely,” said Lone Heron. She told me about working with one of her clients, a young man who was experiencing pain that defied the abilities of conventional doctors to dissipate with their drugs. After more than a year denying that he felt any anger towards his father, the young man finally opened up about the anger that he did indeed harbor for his dad. He spoke about it nonstop for an hour-and-a-half. The pain was finally broken and the young man felt immediate relief.

“Anger—and even evil—are good teachers,” she said. “They cannot be denied. Maybe you don’t want to invite them home for dinner, but acknowledging them can be the key to healing.”

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Lone Heron (a pen-name) has told the true story of her upbringing in a severely abusive family. The book’s title is Inherited Rage, and it relates how she survived by killing both her parents as a teen, was never convicted of the crime, and how since then she has walked the long road to redemption.

۞

Groove of the Day

Listen to Del Shannon performing “My Little Runaway”

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Weather Report

 45° and Cloudy


1 Response to “runaways”


  1. 1 Daryl Watton
    March 8, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    Today’s post got me thinking about the things I will have to deal with if and when I welcome David Childress into my family and home, which I have promised to do upon his release. Even now, as I write to him, I consider him a long-lost cousin. He is, without question, dealing with plenty of anger — stemming from his parental abuse, the neglect of police and school staff who turned their back on their duty to protect him, the heartlessness of the justice system where he was bullied into a plea deal and not given the chance to express the mitigating circumstances of his crime, the bias and carelessness of the media while reporting his story inaccurately, the many conflicts with equally-angry fellows incarcerated with him, on top of chaffing against the severe discipline, regimentation and austerity of his jailors. David tries to deal with this anger and tells me of his success in this — his dedication to his Christian faith, avoiding fights and compromising positions, and using me as a release valve for his frustrations with his well-written rants that are smothered in ethical tone and common sense. Preparing him for his release will mean counselling him through his anger as best my amateur psychology can muster.
    To help him properly, I , as well, will have to address MY own anger. The governing systems are slanted against the poor and the vulnerable. Important social institutions have also incentivized its members away from preventing tragedies such as David’s. I have personal experience as a volunteer in a school where I tried to open up a channel of communication with an at-risk young teen — only to have the abusive and controlling parent report me to the police which nearly demolished my entry into the teaching profession. The lesson I learned was to walk away from troubled kids and allow the ineffective and distant social agencies to do their non-work. We who wish to prevent future tragedy must understand that “the system” empowers abusive parenting. In some ways, “the system” is an abusive parent in itself.


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